The Worst Films of 2005

Well, I've finally gotten around to posting my worst films of 2005. What better time than just before the Razzies dish out their dubious awards. Here's my take on last year's lowlights:

THE WORST OF 2005

10.) DERAILED

The not so-slick thriller DERAILED begins my wretched list. Clive Owen and Jennifer Anniston make the best of a maddening thriller where the characters constantly make ill-advised, ludicrous choices which seem based on the will of the script and not the will of its characters. DERAILED is a poorly written, piece of tripe.

9.) WOLF CREEK
8.) THE DEVIL'S REJECTS

Both WOLF CREEK and THE DEVIL’S REJECTS served up a hearty dose of blood, guts and gore, but little in the way of genuine suspense, shock or fear. Although both were visually effective, each film creates a sense of joy in its sadistic and sexually explicit encounters. THE DEVIL’S REJECTS Rob Zombie conjured up a sickening fictitious tale of a psychotic family, while WOLF CREEK writer-director Greg McLean took advantage of a real life tragedy to spew his vision of malicious mayhem.

7.) DIARY OF A MAD, BLACK WOMAN

All of the right intentions couldn’t help DIARY OF A MAD, BLACK WOMAN, a mishmash of comedy and drama. I don’t doubt writer-director Tyler Perry’s goal of providing a religiously infused tale of perseverance and forgiveness, but the execution is utter chaos. The film plays to the broadest of stereotypes, and the characters are downright exasperating. DIARY OF A MAD, BLACK WOMAN is what you’d get if you mixed THE NUTTY PROFESSOR with a Lifetime melodrama.

6.) BOOGEYMAN

BOOGEYMAN is half mystery, half horror which adds up to a whole lot of nothing. Although BOOGEYMAN builds a case for something more, with lame flashbacks and creepy kids, its resolution its nothing more than a poorly constructed monster mash. Poor acting, and even worse editing make the so-called frightening scenes unbearable.

5.) SON OF THE MASK

This sequel is both unnecessary and poorly crafted, not to mention about ten years late. This lifeless follow-up to the tame original offers little in the way of humor or star power. Jim Carrey may have overreacted in the original, but Jamie Kennedy doesn’t even appear to be trying. Screwy sub-plots, poor special effects and low brow humor make SON OF THE MASK the worst family film of 2005.

4.) DOOM
3.) ALONE IN THE DARK

Talk about lack of inspiration, Hollywood scraped the bottom of their creative barrel last year with the video-game based movies DOOM and ALONE IN THE DARK. DOOM is unbelievably dull for an action film, and when the so-called thrills arrive, it’s in a first-person point-of-view, which is the video game’s appeal, but on screen it plays like a third-grader’s home movie. ALONE IN THE DARK is even worse, proving Christian Slater and Tara Reid’s careers can get worse. Slater mugs for the camera as a brute, paranormal detective, while Reid tries to sell herself as an archaeologist. The only thing funnier than their silly performances, are the creatures that lurk in the dark.

2.) THE ARISTOCRATS

THE ARISTOCRATS, using its own vulgar terms, is an exercise in comic masturbation. Several notable and talented comedians tell a joke involving a family of four, and what they are willing do to as a sideshow act. Various versions of the joke, most of them very similar and even more uninspired, are drilled into our heads with disgusting thoughts of incest, oral sex, blood, guts and excrement. Now that’s entertainment.

1.) DEUCE BIGELOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO

As if listening to the acts in THE ARISTOCRATS wasn’t bad enough, DEUCE BIGELOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO gives us the pictures to put with our thoughts. This disgustingly brash comedy sends the oblivious Deuce overseas, where he encounters horrible European stereotypes, and a lame-brain pimp played by Eddie Griffin. While Europeans are lambasted, the real joke is on Deuce, who gives new meaning to the term, ugly American. This amazingly bad follow-up was so excruciating that my experience in the theater felt surreal.